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结构杂乱是指翻译时不注意条理,结构安排不当,逻辑关系不清,显得杂乱无章。
例1
They emphasized the need for enhanced assistance to Member States, receiving assistance in developing and implementing forest conservation and
rehabilitation strategies and in increasing the area of forests under sustainable management, in order to maintain and improve their forest resources, with view to enhancing the benefits of forests.
原译:他们强调需要增强对接受制订和实施森林养护和恢复战略、扩大可持续管理之下的森林面积方面援助的各会员国的援助,以维持和改善其森林资源,扩大森林带来的好处。
讲评:“会员国”前面的定语太长,十分费解,有必要优化结构,明了要旨。
改译:他们强调需要加大力度援助有关受援国,帮助制定和实施森林养护和恢复战略,扩大可持续管理的森林面积,维持和改善其森林资源,扩大森林惠益。
例2
With respect to statement included in the executive summary of the submission made by Barbados on 8 May 2008, according to which "[t] he
award of an UNCLOS Annex VII Tribunal in April 2006 determined the areas of maritime entitlement as between Barbados and the Republic of Trinidad and Tobago", he informed the Commission that his Government rejected the view that the Arbitral Tribunal had settled the dispute on the outer continental shelf between the two States.
原译:关于2008年5月8日巴巴多斯提交的划界案的执行说明所载的声明,其中表示“《海洋法公约》附件七法庭2006年4月的裁决裁定了巴巴多斯与特立尼达和多巴哥共和国之间海洋所有权的地区”,他告知委员会,特立尼达和多巴哥政府拒绝接受以下观点:仲裁法庭解决了两国之间关于大陆架外部界限的争端。
讲评:原文中有以according to which为引导的插人语,对译文结构安排构成挑战。译者未能正视这一难点,以没有条理、极其松散的结构敷衍了事。
改译:2008年5月8日巴巴多斯在其提交的划界案摘要中称,“根据《海洋法公约》附件七的规定所设法庭2006年4月裁定了巴巴多斯与特立尼达和多巴哥共和国享有所有权的海区”。关于这一点,他告知委员会,特立尼达和多巴哥政府不接受认为仲裁法庭已解决两国关于大陆架外部界限的争端的说法。