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这是海南省领导讲话中的一段。仔细观察可以发现,前后两组四字格具有对应关系:生态立省→绿色之岛;开放强省→开放之岛;产业富省→繁荣之岛。“和谐之岛”的意思可以包含“文明之岛”。“实干兴省”不言自喻:做任何事情都要实干。综合两部分的实质含义,合并意思相近的短语, 最后译为:
We will follow his [the Secretary General's] instructions and shape Hainan into a green,prosperous and harmonious island through ecological conservation,economic liberalization and industrialisation.
所谓“开放”,就是经济自由化(liberalization); “产业富省”,就是促进工业化(industrialisation;通过讲话其他地方可以看出);“生态立省”,就是加强生态保护(ecological conservation)。英文中的并列一般不超过三项,经过合并,并列的数量得到控制,节奏感增强。如果全部按字面翻译,难免给人以堆砌之感。
三是尽量简洁。以上两个例子都是通过消除意思重复部分,做到译文 简洁。下面再举一例。
原文:
江阴在2006年6月江阴市第十一次党代会上确立了 “五民五好”的目标愿景(即:以民生为本,力求个个都有好工作;以民富为纲,力求家家都有好收入;以民享为先,力求处处都有好环境;以民安为基,力求天天 都有好心情;以民强为重,力求人人都有好身体)。
译文:
In June 2006, at the 11th Jiangyin Party Representatives Meeting,we set the vision of“ Five Tenets for the People and Five Goods ”,which means to provide livelihoods for the people and give them good jobs;create wealth for the people and give them good income;bring bliss for the people and give them a good environment;bring peace for the people and give them good spirits; build strength for the people and give them good health.
这是准确和通顺的译文,但略显冗长。仔细想想:“民生”就是“工作”;“民富”就是“收入”;“好环境”就会带来享受;安全状况好了,心情就好;“民强”就是身体好。所以,不妨作如下简化: