霍译：

Ying-chun told one of the maids to light a stick of Sweet Dreams — a kind of incense which is only about three inches long and has a very thick wick so that it burns down fairly rapidly — and told the competitors that they had to complete their poems by the time the incense had burned itself out，otherwise they would be penalized.

“梦甜香”是众人在咏白海棠诗时点的香，因一般读者对此不太了解，于是作者娓娓道来，既精辟又明白，令人读着备感亲切、易懂。应该说，这种细致、详尽的介绍是作者处处为读者着想的真实体现。当然，对于异域读者而言，这样的“细致”与“详尽”更是极为必要的。对于句中的解释部分，杨译用一句独立的话译出，霍译则通过两个破折号，以同位语的结构形式体现出来。两段译文在表达效果上是基本相同的。

3) 这病就是打这个秉性上头思虑出来的。今儿听见有人欺负了 他兄弟，又是恼，又是气。恼的是那群混帐狐朋狗友的扯是搬非，调三 惑四的那些人，气的是他兄弟不学好，不上心念书，以致如此学里吵 闹。（第十回）

杨译：

It's this habit of worrying that's made her ill. When she heard today that someone had picked on her brother, it upset her and made her angry. Angry with those dirty dogs who cause trouble and gossip; upset because Qin Zhong doesn't study hard or give his mind to his books, and that's how this trouble started.

霍译：

In fact, this illness has been brought on by too much worrying, I'm sure of it. Well, this morning when she heard that someone had been bullying her brother, it both upset her and at the same time made her angry. She was upset to think that those horrible boys at the school should be able to twist things round and say such terrible things about him, but she was also angry with him, because she said he must have been getting into bad ways and not giving his mind properly to his studies to have got into trouble of this sort in the first place.

该例是尤氏向金寡妇说明秦可卿气恼的原因。她先用“又是恼， 又是气”两个短句，表明了秦氏的两种不同心情，然后用“恼的是”和“气的是”两个释句分别承接，一项一项解说，使句式连贯，条理清楚，富有逻辑性。由以上分析，并结合原文行文的特点——特别是形式上亦步亦趋的结构，我们就会很容易地发现杨译在结构上打乱了原文给予读者的美感，进而造成了语意上的前后颠倒，亦即对原文的不忠实。由此可见，在提笔着手翻译之前，对原文进行句式结构与修辞的认真分析是何等重要！

毋庸讳言，翻译中的损失是不可避免的。钱钟书在《论文集》 (1949一1983)中写道：“从一种文字出发，积寸累尺地度越那许多距离，安稳到达另一种文字里，这是很艰辛的历程。一路上颠顿风尘，遭遇风险，不免有所遗失或受些损伤。因此，译文总有失真和走样的地方，在意义或口吻上违背或不尽贴合原文。”尽管如此，翻译者所希望的就是尽量减少和弥补损失，同时尽量保住必保的东西。

责任编辑：admin