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3. 句子结构
句子结构方面要注意的事情很多,如单复数的一致,信息安排承上启下,分词短语的逻辑主语与句子主语一致(避免悬垂分词),视角不要发生变化,结构紧凑等等。这里略举两例。
原文:
可是,在北中国的冬天,而能有温晴的天气,济南真得算个宝地。
原译:
But when it comes to winter in North China, blessed with mild sunny weather, Ji'nan is indeed a precious land.
改译:
But here in north China,to have a mild sunny winter is a boon that makes Ji'nan a very special place indeed.
说明:
blessed with mild sunny weather的逻辑主语是“冬天”,不是“济南”。
原文:
就凭这些绿的精神,水也不忍得冻上,况且那些长技的垂柳还要在水里照个影儿呢!
原译:
The striving-for-greener vitality alone could have touched the soul of the waters to stop freezing,not to mention the plea of those willows with long drooping branches to see the beautiful reflections of themselves in the waters!
改译:
That alone must prevent the water from freezing over, not to mention all those weeping willows that wish to see their reflections!
说明:
除了用词搭配错误之外(斜体部分),句子主语的变换(vitality→plea),也使句子拗口,向谁plea?
原文:
因为有这样慈善的冬天,干啥还希望别的呢!
原译:
Endowed with such benign winter, what else they need to yearn for!