June was part of a team that had struggled hard to finish a difficult assignment. "I wanted to call it a day and get home as much as anyone," she recalls. But she found herself saying, "I'm sorry, but we need to do some more work on this."

　　Suddenly she was the most unpopular person in the room. No one agreed with her, and some were openly angry that she was rocking the boat. "But I stuck to my guns," she says. "When the report was presented we were commended for picking up on the very thing I said we'd missed. I was right and everyone had to respect that."

　　THE POPULARITY TRAP

　　Respect versus popularity—it is the old conflict between being professional and being personal. We want to do a good job, but we want to be friends with everyone, too. The truth is, you can't always be liked if you do your job property. And the desire to keep everyone happy can become a weakness.

　　"At best," says management consultant Jennie Lumley, "worrying about what others think makes us reactive when we need to be proactive. At worst, we're so busy playing the office sweetheart that we lose sight of the demands of the job and our needs."

　　This is a particular problem for women professions, Lumley finds. "It's a childhood hangover. We all long to be the most popular girl in school. Also, girls are brought up to try to please. This need to be liked gets in the way of career progress. At work, men don't give a thought to what others think so long as they get their way."

　　AT TIMES YOU HAVE TO BE TOUGH

　　Although we would all love to be Ms Popular at home and in the office, at work the task is not to be liked, but to be effective, says computer sales executive Andrea. "This is possibly the single most important lesson we can learn. You can't always be popular. You shouldn't have to be; it's not what you're there for. Progress depends on having your own ideas and sticking to them. And that means having the guts to make difficult decisions when you have to," she says.

　　The soft decision is never a real option, as many women find. Pat had to deal with a colleague who had repeatedly been warned about her absenteeism, and now had to be told to go. When Pat tried to fire her, the colleague was so distraught, Pat gave her another chance.

　　"It was a disaster," Pat says. "I had fired her and she'd walked away from it. My colleagues were resentful. I lost their respect, my bosses' and my own. And I still had to deal with her in the end!"

　　We're aware from day one in our first job that every decision we make is either a building block or a stumbling block on our career path. We should use the time to lay the groundwork of future respect by being professional I.e. responsible, innovative, diligent and reliable.

　　Respect is never given for nothing. Claire knew that she was offered a move to Paris with her finance company because she had gained a reputation for keeping cool under fire. And the next step up the ladder would depend on her performance in Paris.

　　"It's essential to build regard if you're going to be able to do what you want in your job," she says. Winning respect enhances all you do. A proposal for change is more likely to be well received; an application for a raise or a request for promotion is more likely to succeed.

　　为完成一项棘手的工作，琼斯和她的小组正忙得焦头烂额。“我本来也想和其他人一样放手不干算了，只想早点回家休息。”可她最终却说：“对不起，看来我们大家还得加班把这个环节再完善一下。”

　　她一下子就成了整个房间里最不受欢迎的人。没有人支持她，甚至还有人公开表示反对，说她是无事生非。可琼斯说：“可我一点也没有后退，后来我们的报告很成功，正是我提出要完善的环节受到了肯定和表扬。结果证明我是正确的，大家都会尊重这个事实。”

　　人气陷阱

　　受人尊敬与受人欢迎归结起来其实是敬业和个人化之间的矛盾。我们都想把工作做好，同时我们也想和所有的人成为朋友。而实情是如果你想把工作做好的话，你就必然不讨人喜爱。想成为好好先生的一厢情愿往往会成为你的弱点。

　　管理咨询专家詹妮·伦莉说：“太介意别人的看法对工作没有好处，勉强说得上好的话就是当我们必须积极面对的时候，我们开始有了反应；而最糟糕的局面是大家都热衷于做办公室的好好先生，而漠视了工作和我们本身的要求。”

　　职业女性尤其容易产生这个问题，詹妮-伦莉说：“这是因为童年给我们太深的痕迹，我们都想成为学校里最受欢迎的女生；同时，女孩子从小就被教导要善解人意。而这种要讨人喜爱的心理往往会成为职业生涯的障碍。而对男性来说就没有这个问题，只要他们达到他们预期的目标，他们才不会理会其他人到底怎么想。”