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3. 省略与替换不当
省略和替换是英语语言的突出特点。一般来说,在保持上下文意思清楚的前提下,句子的任何成分都可以省略,这样,可以获得简洁、流畅的行文效果。替换也是英语中常用的一种修辞手段(elegant variety)。即在一个句子中,甚至在一个段落中,应尽量避免用同一个称谓、同一个词,这样的句子才会显得优雅。但省略与替换都必须得当。
例5 原文:买方必须提供符合买卖合同所规定的货物,以及合同可能要求的证明货物符合合同要求的凭证。
原译:The seller must supply the goods in conformity with the contract of sales, together with such evidence of conformity as may be required by it.
在这句译文中,最后一个单同“it”无疑指的是合同“contract”,但是如果不看汉语原文,脱离了上下文,就可能产生误解,因为英文本身具有明显的不确定性。所以合同这个字在此处必须重复。
改译:The seller must supply the goods in conformity with the contract of sales, together with such evidence of conformity as may be required by the contract.
例6 原文:法律、行政法规规定采用书面形式的,应当采用书面形式。当事人约定采用书面形式的,应当采用书面形式。
原译:Where the laws or administrative regulations require a contract lo be concluded in written form,the contract shall be in written form. If the parties agree to do so, it shall be concluded in written form.
在这句译文中,“in written form”出现了三次,可见译者的慎重态度。在从句中用了“so”来代替另一次重复,也不失为明智之举,丝毫不影响语义的准确性和完整性。但是用“it”代替“contract”却是值得商榷和推敲的,它无疑会影响到译文对原文的忠实和精确程度。
改译:Where the laws or administrative regulations require a contract to be concluded in written form, the contract shall he in written form. If the parties agree to do so, the contract shall be concluded in written form.
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