"Homo animal querulum cupide suis incumbens miseriis." I wonder where that comes from. I found it once in Charron, quoted without reference, and it has often been in my mind --- a dreary truth, well worded. At least it was a truth for me during many a long year. Life, I fancy, would very often be insupportable, but for the luxury of self-compassion; in cases numberless this it must be that saves from suicide. For some there is great relief in talking about their miseries, but such gossips lack the profound solace of misery nursed in silent brooding.Happily, the trick with me has never been retrospective; indeed, it was never, even with regard to instant suffering, a habit so
deeply rooted as to become a mastering vice. I knew my own weakness when I yielded to it; I despised myself when it brought me comfort; I could laugh scornfully, even "cupide meis incumbens miseriis." And now, thanks be to the unknown power which rules us, my past has buried its dead. More than that; I can accept with sober cheerfulness the necessity of all I lived through. So it was to be; so it was. For this did nature shape me; with what purpose, I shall never know; but in the sequence of things eternal this was my place.
Could I have achieved so much philosophy if, as I ever feared, the closing years of my life had passed in helpless indigence? Should I not have sunk into lowest depths of querulous self-pity, grovelling there with eyes obstinately averted from the light above?
“人是种爱埋怨的动物,总是想着自己的烦恼。”我不知道这句话的出处。我是在沙朗的作品中看到它的,他引用时也没有标明出处,但这句话却时常出现在我的脑海里一一个沉闷压抑但表达得很恰当的真理。至少对于我来说,很多年来,它一直是个真理。我认为,如果不去安慰自己的话,生活常常是令人难以忍受的;正是这种自我安慰,将许多企图自杀的人从死亡边缘挽救回来——这样的事例数不胜数。对有些人来说,谈论自己的苦难可以令他们感到安慰,但这种闲谈对产生于宁静的沉思中的痛苦,却起不到深层次的抚慰作用。幸运的是,我从不曾回顾命运对我的捉弄;的确从来没有过,甚至对刚刚遭受的痛苦也是如此。这个根深蒂固的习惯已经成为一个很难改变的恶习。当我屈服于自己的弱点时,我知道它是什么;当它使我感到安慰时,我鄙视自己,甚至轻蔑地放声大笑。那么,就感谢那统治着我们命运的未知力量吧,我的过去已经被埋葬。此外,我能够以清醒乐观的心情去面对所经历过的一切困苦。一切顺其自然吧,因为大自然就是这样塑造了我,我永远也不会知道目的何在,但在万物永恒的因果顺序中，这就是我的位置。
如果我的余生像我所害怕的那样,将在无助的贫困之中度过,我还能领悟这么多的哲理吗?我是否将会陷人怨天尤人的深渊之中无法自拔,双眼固执地躲避上天恩赐之光呢?
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