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有些句子直译出来看似没有问题,但仔细进行逻辑分析就会发现,译文逻辑上出现脱节。这是由于原文不够严谨,导致关系密切的两部分被其他句子隔开,这时需要对句子进行局部调整。
例 1.
为鼓励乙方组织更多学生来华学习,甲方决定给乙方以如下优惠政策:即每班每期不少于10人,每超5人,学费可减免10%(食宿及生活费不在此列)。为确保学习质量,每班限报30人。(协议)
如果翻译为:
In order to encourage Party B to bring more students to China, Party A offers the following favorable policy to Party B: each class may not have less than 10 students; for eveiy additional 5 persons, the tuition may be reduced by 10% (not including boarding and living expenses). In order to guarantee quality of study, each classs may not exceed 30 students.
就显得语气不连贯,因为所谓的优惠政策是指学费减免,“即每班每期不少于10人”并非优惠政策,而是苛刻的条件,译文中“favorable policy”距离所说明的“ be reduced”太远,所以,可以为:
As an incentive for Party B to bring more students to China, Party A offers to reduce the tuition (but not the boarding and living expenses) by 10% for every additional 5 persons above 10 in each class. Each class may not have less than 10 students and to ensure quality, may not exceed 30.